you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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