I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
