As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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