They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
