Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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