this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
