dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
