i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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