dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Randomize
