captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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