Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
