dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
