its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
