dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
