Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will be naked everywhere
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
