saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
