yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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