Dual....:-)
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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