Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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