I heard we made out
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
