Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
