4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
