Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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