if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just google imaged poop.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
