someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
