i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
