i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
