y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
