i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
