keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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