We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
