After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
