It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
