Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
