Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
