chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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