please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
