Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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