did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
