what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
