Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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