I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize