I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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