Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
