She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
