drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
