we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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