If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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