How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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