I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
