how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize