Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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