just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
