angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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