Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
