If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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