Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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