I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
