broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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