Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
