i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize