One girl and one boy is just not enough.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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