you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
