Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
