new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
