I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
