I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
