Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize