No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
