4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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