Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
