My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
People in love make me want to vomit
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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