hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
