how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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