Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
